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Hello world Hope you’re listening
Forgive me if I’m young, For speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
And I think that they could be The better half of me

Integrity is a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes.

Now is that not a beautiful definition? When you read it does it remind you of yourself? And do not lie

I sometimes think that i expect too much out of some people, but then hope comes and tells me that i only expect right. We as human beings are bound to make mistakes, and break promises here and there, no means am i or anyone perfect, but when you say you will do something, do it? It is that simple. If you are one of those people who are afraid of rejection or anyone resenting you, New flash the most simplest way of getting resented is by lacking consistency, it displays your character to be what most would call flakey.

I myself have been known to do much for people and i am just this nice generous guy, No? i stand by my beliefs and hold strong the integrity i have. Always many come around and expect me to be the only one who needs to reach out to them first, it does not work like that. If i notice i am the only one who is trying to do some form of communicating, then a couple of things are understood but most importantly that i am not of importance to you.

I would never wish to eliminate anyone from my life or even resent anyone, because i am not a hateful soul, but in truth some people will always be their own worst enemy and not realize that they are the only cause of anyone resenting them and it is usually because they lack integrity of some sort. 

I have to confess i have dedicated this blog to a few short people who currently but soon will not reside in my life as this is my good-bye as a friend and or whatever i was to you. I mean this with the best intentions and cannot hold someone in my life whose silence hurts my feelings due in part because i do care and you matter to me.

Christmas time used to be the time for me to get everything i wanted, i remember as a kid i used to sleep right next to the christmas tree so i can protect all the presents. Over the many years it changed drastically, i guess thats what being adult boils down to. Each day that passes their is not a moment when these cells in my body cease to think about you sis. I wonder how much more fun today would of been if you were here. The other siblings came down with the kids, needless to say I forever lit up when they all showed up, as i slowly watched them open their presents my eyes wondered over to your kids and my heart sank, maybe i am a bit too sad about this still because it is still fresh for me. I did not know how to approach your kids, how to even embrace them. I contemplated it long enough until i spent a little bit of time with your son anthony, he gave me an amazing gift, a gift i have not been accustomed to much since your passing, the gift of closure. He is a bit wild reminds me a lot of myself actually, but then again you more than anything. I am slowly re-learning that it is true that children often always take a piece of their parents. Even still behind those smiling faces i did see a bit of loneliness and that they miss their mother i suppose that will always be there, i know it stays with me. I miss you, And do not worry I know you were there with us and you will continue to be with us as we bring in the new year.

Having made good choices and bad choices, which is normal for any human being, I found myself thinking about failed relationships. I have always tried to make the best choice possible, i can honestly say i have never given my heart fully to someone, contrary to one person who had an hold over me but never had my heart, i was not allowed to give my heart as per the agreement we made. I believe even in that night you knew my heart was not going to allow nothing less than what it wanted.

And so….

Over the past year i have seen, watched, and learned a few more lessons about life and love and how ridiculously heinous and inconsiderate some people i have (dare i say) allowed into my life and heart can be when an great opportunity presents itself to me. Before now if i have showed any interest in you and you backed out and i quote “want to be friends” and or (without my knowledge) dated more than one guy besides me at the time and have gotten into a relationship. You have absolutely no GOD-forsaken right to be jealous or selfish with me. Opportunity comes knocking, by GOD i am going to take it. I find it amazing how bold and brave anyone must be to have the nerve to expect Ken Freeman to plead for you to either be with me or want me to express my undying desires so you can feel some kind of satisfactory in your life. It does not work that way with me, you see with me it is 100% equilibrium, you tell me how you feel, i will tell you how i feel, in which ever order it comes. When you are faced with an opportunity, it is not monopoly, you cannot roll the dice and expect that you will get better.

Though i must say, i have been told i am hard to chase after, i do not expect anyone to chase me, as i will never do the same. Been down road before and was taught that if it is not mutual then FUCK IT! if someone is so naive to see or acknowledge the greatness that beats inside of you FUCK THEM and if you wait until i am happy with someone to tell me how you really feel then FUCK YOU!

The remembrance of instant affection upon being acquainted gave me insight to a detailed future you would hold in my life, my dear friend where did we begin to fade?

Alien we have become, Our train embarked toward this destination where it has become abundantly obvious that our friendship should of never existed.

Miscommunication perhaps? Even the wittiest could not over analyze all the excuses i have conjured in my mind to condone the actions of your perfidy.

Spiteful i may sound, but humble i sustain to be as i embrace a piece of me, that was you and set it free.

I happily realized that in this present time, others who are not alien to me have mended what is now again complete. Assuming the role you once had, they easily tower over you.

Now the remembrance of you is just a well taught lesson, which is your hold in my life. Dear stranger where did you begin to fade? 

This one today goes out to every friend i am blessed to call mine. Today i thought hard about what friendship means to me, and no it has not taken me long to come to this realization but has taken me a long time to be able to express it, even now its not good enough through my poor writing. The lot of you have pulled me through so much without knowing that you have. So im here to tell you thank you for taking part in my life and being there, even though i have not been a good friend, terrible because i dont show this appreciation that i desire to show all of you. From my childhood friends to high school friends to College friends and even the friends ive met just standing in the line at wal mart waiting for a copy of a movie and those friends ive worked with and done everything with. You’ll never falter with me, because i know mistakes are meant to be made and because you are not just my friends but also my family, and that is a bond that can never be broken.

I promise i will try my hardest to be a better friend and let you in. I love all of you dearly, none more than the other, all of you equally have a piece of me. well i lied maybe some have a bigger piece but the bigger to the smallest piece does not matter, and so i am here to say THANK YOU!

I LOVE YOU!

“The most perfect act of love is SACRIFICE.”